Trigger post: I’m pregnant

Hi, I’ve been meaning to write this post for a couple of months. A mixture of not wanting to jinx things, plus not wanting to upset anyone has stopped me. I know some will have stopped reading already and probably unfollowed me (and I don’t blame you) but I know others who are looking for hope will be heartened by this.

A quick summary: we had our first DEIVF transfer on 27 February, a very relaxed transfer in a private clinic. On the way home we saw a rainbow and I had this intense feeling of joy and knowledge that everything will be ok somehow (even if it didn’t work). It’s hard to explain, but instead of my usual worries and positive/negative daily cycles in previous rounds I was a lot more calm this time and just decided to be happy and positive. I found it a lot less tiring. Don’t get me wrong, I was still mentally preparing myself for failure (researching holidays, booking weekends away etc) but just remaining cheerful and thinking of that rainbow. Because well why not?

I tested at 5am on my official test day and got a blazing positive. I woke up my husband who had been really down the night before and gave him the good news. Then followed a few days of betas and anxious waiting (after my two chemicals last year this was the toughest bit). They came back really high. Another anxious wait followed for the first scan which was perfect, followed by several more. And then getting to the 12 week mark, with nausea, morning sickness and intense work (it’s been a bit of a blur to be honest).

We’re now at nearly 15 weeks (ultrasound below from 12 weeks) and we’ve got our second prenatal appointment tomorrow. Things are starting to real!

I will continue this blog, exploring the experience of being pregnant after infertility, and of DEIVF. I wish everyone the best of luck on your journeys and I want to keep following and cheering and crying and supporting you.

Infertility has changed me and my husband profoundly. It’s beaten and battered us, but we’re still standing and still living, and loving, and that’s the most important thing.